Cultural trends that don’t seem emotionally healthy now seem the norm. There’s a new one that recently seems to be dominating the pop culture cycle. Perhaps I should say it’s an old narrative since it’s actually been around a long time. Reignited recently because of celebrity couples, the conversation we’re tackling today is the messaging that women don’t lie.
We’re tackling this from more of a one-on-one relationship perspective. Reason for this is the recent controversies with not one but two celebrity relationships. Both have seemingly ended or imploded in some way, but now they’re in the spotlight because of the women sharing private conversations. All of which unfolds on social media.
The first story fitting this is the Jonah Hill headlines. The actor fell into this trap when his ex, surfer, Sarah Brady, shared text messages from their relationship. In them, Sarah uses the messages to conclude that Hill was emotionally abusive. The second instance, similar to this, is Bebe Rexha who, according to reports, essentially did break up with her boyfriend by sharing a text message from him on social media.JUST IN CASE CULTURE FORGETS, psst, WOMEN LIE TOO. A conversation about the recent celebrity Internet #BreakUp drama. #Culture #PopCulture #Discussion #Relationships Click To Tweet
Hill’s ex uses the messages, which I have not read in their entirely, to cultivate a narrative that Hill is controlling and emotionally abusive. A term that we do overuse, but this is another conversation. In them, he asks her not to post swimsuit photos as one request of things that, if she’s not willing to do, would mean they probably shouldn’t date anymore. Rexha posts a message from her boyfriend where he responds to her about weight she’s gained. He says he’s being “honest” and finds her “beautiful” in the message.
Ok. So, unlike most social media debates, I’m not here to be team Jonah or team Sarah. I’m team why are we using social media to breakup or discuss serious relationship issues? Here’s a pro tip, have a face to face conversation about your relationship. I’m tired of that just as I’m tired of the lie that all women only speak truth. Is Jonah a jerk? Quite possibly. Is Sarah telling the truth? Also, possible. But her sharing these messages, which aren’t all bad, isn’t a: evidence that he’s icky, and b: isn’t healthy for her. Based off what Bebe shares, the text message also isn’t evidence that he’s a jerk. Is he? Maybe. But again, these aren’t the “win” these two ladies think they are.
Women try to change men all the time and it’s “accepted” in society. Sure it looks very different, just as the reactions and acceptance is different, but the notion that women are the only ones allowed to ask for or demand change in a relationship is ridiculous.
Men are insensitive sometimes. But this doesn’t immediately make the guy somehow bad. Women too can be jerks. Again. It just looks different. They apply equally to both men and women. Everything, from being unkind to love, insensitivity to lying, it all looks different on women than it does on men and vice versa. But it doesn’t make the fact any less true: women still lie.
The idea that men are the sole reason or somehow the greater reason why a relationship ends is perhaps a reason why relationships end. Another might be that we now think it’s right or acceptable to use social media to air the challenges of our relationships. I’m not unsympathetic to anyone in a relationship that isn’t healthy. But instead of using social media to garner sympathy or play victim if the comment section doesn’t totally agree, you should rely on people in your life to help. Social media shouldn’t be your sounding board or some kind of measure of what is true or not in our former or current relationships. If it is now the rule, then we’re more lost than we already seem.
Have you read anything about these stories? What are your thoughts on them? Do you have opinions about this topic? Do you think generally women, as a narrative, are considered truthful? Comment down below all of your opinions!
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