If there is one artist that doesn’t have to engage in copious amounts of press in order to sell her art, it’s Taylor Swift. The woman essentially just has to throw up an Instagram post announcing a new album and it breaks records for preorders, sales and streaming. Though I have issues with Taylor Swift and the kind of lyrical relationship “victimhood” her fans paint her into, I still listen to her music. It’s a kind of tradition to rank the songs from her latest albums, and today’s task is to rank The Tortured Poets Department, the just dropped album that’s secret message sentence teases We herby conduct this post mortem.
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To be honest, this is far more daunting than I would expect because of the “double” album The Tortured Poets Department: the Anthology with twice as many songs as originally expected. While the theme isn’t something I’m into, of course I’m still listening. Though I find all the obsessive who-is-the-song about annoying. Like, just let a fan listen to the music, love or loathe certain songs, and for goodness sake, let Taylor be the one who knows the meanings. I don’t subscribe to the whole conspiracy that Taylor’s last ex is about to “die” (metaphorically speaking) because of this album or that he’s the only one at fault in why they didn’t last. But we’re veering off track.
RANKING TAYLOR SWIFT’S ‘THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT.’ Ranking the #TTPD songs on the latest #TaylorSwift album. Come by and let's discuss, what songs do you love? #TheTorturedPoetsDepartment #TheBlackDog #Fortnight Click To Tweet
All that to say, while I wrote the majority of this opener prior to the release, I’m shocked that, after a day of repeat listens, I am finding some songs to enjoy. Plus, despite fans persistence, accounts like Deuxmoi has been saying that many of these songs are about Matty Healy and not just Joe Alwyn. Songs being bantered about as such include ‘Fortnight,’ ‘The Smallest Man who Ever Lived,’ ‘I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can),’ and possibly ‘But Daddy I Love Him.’
Let’s get to ranking The Tortured Poets Department, including my pre-listening ranking (below) of the songs based on title alone.
RANKING THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT
Note: we’re only going to talk about the primary songs, since Swift’s original 17 track album is what she’s been promoting and seems the more “important” songs as a result. We do including a ranking of the 2: am songs, too.
FLORIDA!!!
Really have zero cares about this song with Florence Welch.
THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT
I wouldn’t mind this song so much, but the leak speculation saying these lyrics are weird is actually honest. I can confirm, they do get weird.
And who’s gonna know you like me?
FRESH OUT THE SLAMMER
Had this one as my next to last least favorite song and yeah, it’s just not a song I like. It’s rumored to callback to ‘Bejeweled’ and how an ex prevents (keeping her in a basement, and this analogy being a prison) Swift from being who she wants. Ok, fine. Then LEAVE, girl. The one nostalgic thing is there’s this brief section that, musically, reminds me of ‘Enchanted.’
THE SMALLEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED
WHO’S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?
This is a kind of pitying song about having to hear constant jokes about yourself and reflecting on the “good” that person does or is which I guess is supposed to exclude them from the jokes? In fairness to Swift, while I think she should be able to take a joke, as should any celeb, some of the gossip (even from fans, which is perhaps part of the song’s commentary) and commentary surrounding her is ridiculous. Edit: I think in that way, this song is fair and she’s justified in feeling this way. However, the ultimate conclusion is, you should be afraid of “little old me,” which is where the song loses me.
CLARA BOW
I love when Swift puts herself as the narrator or storyteller rather than autobiographical, and while I think she relates to Clara, a silent film star from the 20s, she places herself as a (partial) storyteller here. Some of these songs also have a storyteller quality that means they aren’t all so personal. Edit: Feels like this is this albums ‘The Last Great American Dynasty’ with its storytelling that then turns into self reflection. ranking the tortured poets
BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM
Not loving this song. (It has grown on me the more I listen.) I had this one higher on my pre listening ranking (below) and thought maybe I’d like it. Something about it just isn’t where it’s at. Edit (because yes I’m still repeat listening and thinking through my thoughts): also wondering if the line “‘I’m havin’ his baby’ No, I’m not, but you should see your faces” is a reference to fans obsessing over the idea that Swift was pregnant because of a track off Midnights.
GUILTY AS SIN?
I CAN FIX HIM (NO REALLY I CAN)
This is a kind of trippy song about friends hating a guy the girl is dating and her insistence she can “fix him,” before admitting “maybe” she actually can’t. Don’t love the early messaging, but will confess, I do like the song more than I anticipated.
FORTNIGHT
Though the rumored relationship between Matty Healy and Swift is the inspiration behind this song, which I find odd (girl, the affect he had on you shouldn’t be so powerful), I did weirdly (much like other songs from this ranking) like this one.
I CAN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART
I like that this one is surprises in that it’s more upbeat than one assumes. It’s similar, in terms of expectation, to what she did with ‘Death by a Thousand Cuts.’
SO LONG LONDON
As someone who adores ‘London Boy’ (it’s just a really fun song), I’ll confess I do like this one too. (I don’t like the “gave you all that youth for free” line.) I don’t care if its prequel is a denial song or whatever category she put it in, let me enjoy ‘London Boy,’ (actually I think I’m thinking of the Lover song, which I also am still claiming as a love song; it’s too sweet not to) and while this is sad and I don’t love all the lyrics (I think they actually show she’s at fault too), I do still weirdly like the song. ranking the tortured poets
THE ALCHEMY
Edit: bumping this one up on the ranking! It’s sweet. I think it’s rumored to be about Swift’s current relationship and it does have lots of lines that play into their public relationship, but also, the song makes me oddly sad since she lovingly used the same (essentially) line in another love song while in a prior relationship.
DOWN BAD
I just really like the sound of this one. It’s hard to explain why. Liking this one the more I listen to it!
RANKING TAYLOR SWIFT’S ‘THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT.’ Ranking the #TTPD songs on the latest #TaylorSwift album. Come by and let's discuss, what songs do you love? #TheTorturedPoetsDepartment #TheBlackDog #Fortnight Click To Tweet
LOML
Love this song. I know it’s about a relationship ending and not lasting, which I find sad and unfortunate because it’s a comfortable place people easily go to in culture, but these opening lyrics, well, they are stunners. This also feels like it could be a song that juxtaposes more than one experience.
Who’s gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames
If we know the steps anyway?
THE MANUSCRIPT
I’m guessing this song is being ascribed to a certain ex, but honestly, I listen to this one and hear more reflection in a story kind of way versus a personal entry into her life. I like it in a similar way to her new track on Speak Now, ‘Timeless.’
RANKING the SONGS least to most favorite
thanK you aIMee
CASSANDRA
Imgonnagetyouback
CHLOE OR SAM OR SOPHIA OR MARCUS
THE ALBATROSS
THE BOLTER
THE PROPHECY
SO HIGH SCHOOL
PETER
I LOOK IN PEOPLE’S WINDOWS a surprisingly poignant song reflecting on a relationship
ROBIN feels like another version of ‘Never Grow Up’ and its charming
I HATE IT HERE is a unique song about escaping imperfect eras, but its ruffling feathers
THE BLACK DOG is a great bittersweet song if you like lonesome love songs
HOW DID IT END? examines the end of a relationship and the “come one and come all” examination that feels more like a general story than it does a revealing
IN CONCLUSION: this isn’t my favorite album from Swift. The reason for this is, it just doesn’t really pull me in, at least not in terms of being a fun, pop-y kind of collection. I think her prior albums have a better grasp on mixing serious ballads with fun ones, and this one, as its promotion would suggest, is angsty, and frankly, annoyingly repetitive on messages we’ve heard Taylor hash already, including ones she’s said she’s over. This said, as an edit, the more I listen, the more I am enjoying certain songs, and I think Swift does know how to poke fun at things she sees about herself, even from so-called fans. I’ll continue (and am!) to play it on shuffle, and be curious to see if she releases something new (again) next or continues on with her rerecords.
…and another edit! Loved this exchange from the Deuxmoi account and SO agree.
Q on April 22 from a Deuxmoi follower: Do you have a TTPD opinion?
“Yes. LOVE Fortnight.
The over analyzing of the songs and lyrics by the fans and non fans kind of ruins it, you can’t escape article after article or Tik Tok after Tik Top and for a non Swiftie who still ikes her music you kind of just want to listen to the songs without having to decode or think about every lyric. Not her fault tho.” – Deuxmoi
Ok, it’s your turn! Fill up the comments with all of the thoughts you have. Do you love the album? Loathe it? Do you think it will lead into a happier next album, similar to the Reputation to Lover transition? What is your view on this Ranking The Tortured Poets? What thoughts do you have about The Tortured Poets Department? Let’s talk about them all!
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